Happy Holidays From W.B. Jones

(Thanks to Barry Sigismondi for this message to the fans!)

The Families' Thoughts - Business Trip

Once again the members of the other 4 families of the Scranton Business Park have convened to discuss the activities over at Dunder Mifflin. We are joined by Bob Vance of Vance Refrigeration, Paul "Cool Guy" Faust of Disaster Kits Limited, W.B. Jones of W.B. Jones Heating and Cooling and Bill Cress of Cress Tool and Dye.

So, without further ado, we present the thoughts of the men who run the Scranton Business Park, sent in directly from them about the "Business Trip" episode.

W.B. Jones' Grade A Badass Review: Talk about the blind leading the blind! Michael is only flying to Winnipeg not Warsaw. You can tell these people have no clue about the on-going financial crisis when Michael has to take Andy to translate??? and Oscar to run the numbers??? If Dunder Mifflin makes a profit this year it won't be because of the Scranton Branch.

"Who is that Monkey?!?!? ....Who is that Monkey !!!???? Most of you know I'm connected....... you also know how much I revere Dwight's salesmanship and commitment to the cause, but one more instance of impropriety by Dwight and Angela and it's gonna get ugly. Andy is a sweet kid, I love him like a brother, and I'm not gonna let this continue at his expense. That's all I'm gonna say for now...
WB

Cress' Convo: Didn't I tell you to leave me alone? I don't have time for this stuff right now!

Vance's View: After witnessing the abject horror of the Dunder-Mifflin clowns abroad in: 'BUSINESS TRIP'; this is a copy of an OFFICIAL VANCE REFRIGERATION MEMORANDUM:
TO: ALL VANCE REFRIGERATION EMPLOYEES
FROM: THE BOSS (EL JEFE) BOB VANCE, VANCE REFRIGERATION
RE: NEW RULES & A BOUNTY EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY
1. There will be NO CRYING during sales calls. Ever.
2. Long Island Ice Teas aren't permitted on expense reports.
3. Use extreme caution in Canada. Do not feed the locals!
4. Intercourse is not allowed on Company Grounds & Property.
5. The first V-R employee that manages to hose down D-M's filthy-little-felon, RYAN HOWARD, with the high pressure washer will get a bonus and a big attaboy from yours truly,
BOB VANCE, VANCE REFRIGERATION

Cool Guy Paul's Cool Thoughts: Coming Soon

As always we have to thank the men BEHIND the men behind Scranton - Bobby Ray Shafer (Bob Vance), Paul Faust (Cool Guy Paul), Barry Sigismondi (W.B. Jones) and Terrence Beasor (Bill Cress) for their amazing willingness to share with us and all the Dunderheads out there!

The Families' Thoughts - Customer Survey

Once again the members of the other 4 families of the Scranton Business Park have convened to discuss the activities over at Dunder Mifflin. We are joined by Bob Vance of Vance Refrigeration, Paul "Cool Guy" Faust of Disaster Kits Limited, W.B. Jones of W.B. Jones Heating and Cooling and Bill Cress of Cress Tool and Dye.

So, without further ado, we present the thoughts of the men who run the Scranton Business Park, sent in directly from them about the "Customer Survey" episode.

Cress' Convo: Kelly is a venomous, slithering cobra just waiting to strike if you wrong her. Good for her, my kind of cobr.... uh..... woman. I like her.

Vance's View: At VANCE REFRIGERATION, Customer Satisfaction is JOB #1. It's something we take very seriously -- unlike some of our fellow tenants here at SBP. Of course this only confirms an earlier memo that I sent to all V-R employees warning them to steer clear of the wily Kelly Kapoor. I've seen her in action and I know TROUBLE when I see it.(Kelly cornered me one time and did a ten minute monologue on Paris Hilton that I'm still trying to forget!) There are certainly some "dusky" do's-and-don'ts at play here, and I'm reminded of some of Bob Vance's old adventures in The 'Nam, but that's another story for another time. Stop by this week for our big sale and I'll give you a CUSTOMER SURVEY that you won't soon forget.
Yours in refrigeration,
BOB VANCE, VANCE REFRIGERATION

Cool Guy Paul's Cool Thoughts: This week has been rather hectic as I am only a one man operation and have been dealing with Hurricane Paloma. However….after watching the way the employees of Dunder Mifflin backstab each other I cant see how they stay in business long. I may expand my company and have already spoken to the landlord about taking over their space. I did however have the time to tap into Jim’s new Bluetooth…..you should hear what him and Pam talk about in private!!!!

W.B. Jones' Grade A Badass Review: "You juked the stats cupcake". How can you run a successful enterprise when you can't depend on the accuracy of customer surveys ?? It seems that Dunder Mifflin runs via an informal, personal vendetta performance system, where reprisals are the mainstay of the work day. You would think Michael Scott could get his act together and stamp out this corruption once and for all. On a sadder note, I really feel like my good friend Andy is being led down the proverbial path buy his unscrupulous fiance and her malevolent gigolo - unconscionable !

As always we have to thank the men BEHIND the men behind Scranton - Bobby Ray Shafer (Bob Vance), Paul Faust (Cool Guy Paul), Barry Sigismondi (W.B. Jones) and Terrence Beasor (Bill Cress) for their amazing willingness to share with us and all the Dunderheads out there!

The Families' Thoughts - Employee Transfer

Once again the members of the other 4 families of the Scranton Business Park have convened to discuss the activities over at Dunder Mifflin. We are joined by Bob Vance of Vance Refrigeration, Paul "Cool Guy" Faust of Disaster Kits Limited, W.B. Jones of W.B. Jones Heating and Cooling and Bill Cress of Cress Tool and Dye.

So, without further ado, we present the thoughts of the men who run the Scranton Business Park, sent in directly from them about the "Employee Transfer" episode.

Vance's View: I always knew that DARYL was one tough son-of-a-gun and watching his heroics last night reminded me of the time that I was on an expedition to a little garden spot known as: VIET NAM -- and the Lieutenant got hit out on patrol and I had to carry him back. An 'EMPLOYEE TRANSFER' of another kind and if you've never tried carrying a 200 lbs. wounded, bleeding, screaming friend five miles through enemy territory in a driving rain while the wily-boys in the black pajamas are shooting AK-47's at you, you should, because it's a real TESTER -- much like spending 14 hours in a truck with Scott as he gets DUMPED AGAIN. In fact, they are so similar that I can't decide which is worse; but I do know a HERO when I see one and his name is Daryl.
Sincerely, BOB VANCE, VANCE REFRIGERATION

Cool Guy Paul's Cool Thoughts: Sorry all…I did not have the time to watch so I could give you my comments as Dwight sent in an emergency request for me to put together a Cornell University Disaster Kit. Dwight requests custom kits all the time and I gave up on saying no to him. Whatever he requests I tell him no problem and that I think his ideas are genius. Then I throw something together and sell it to him. For this one I simply ordered a bunch of stuff from the University bookstore, added some water proof matches and a field guide to edible plants in the Upstate New York area, marked it up 400% and shipped it off to him.

W.B. Jones' Grade A Badass Review: Who the hell makes decisions at Dunder Mifflin Corporate? Michael is way over his head running the Scranton Branch. He's a complete and utter wuss when it comes to taking charge of anything - especially his own life. Dwight should be running that operation, he has the drive, nerve, moxie and strategic thinking to achieve objectives and to get things done. In fact since Holly's gone, Dwight should be promoted to head of personnel. Then maybe you'd see how efficiently things would run at Dunder Mifflin, even in spite of Michael.

Cress' Convo: Leave me alone!

As always we have to thank the men BEHIND the men behind Scranton - Bobby Ray Shafer (Bob Vance), Paul Faust (Cool Guy Paul), Barry Sigismondi (W.B. Jones) and Terrence Beasor (Bill Cress) for their amazing willingness to share with us and all the Dunderheads out there!

The Families' Thoughts - Crime Aid

Once again the members of the other 4 families of the Scranton Business Park have convened to discuss the activities over at Dunder Mifflin. We are joined by Bob Vance of Vance Refrigeration, Paul "Cool Guy" Faust of Disaster Kits Limited, W.B. Jones of W.B. Jones Heating and Cooling and Bill Cress of Cress Tool and Dye.

So, without further ado, we present the thoughts of the men who run the Scranton Business Park, sent in directly from them about the "Crime Aid" episode.

Cool Guy Paul's Cool Thoughts: Its simple…..preparedness is an all encompassing concept. I have been telling the knuckleheads at Dunder Mifflin to wake up and be more prepared. Disasters aren’t just hurricanes, wildfires, giant lava flows, infestations of locusts or blackouts…..they include break-ins, car thefts and the not so uncommon stolen identity (although…I can’t think of one person who would want to steal any of their identities). I simply can’t feel bad for them as they have ignored my expert and highly sought after advise.

W.B. Jones' Grade A Badass Review: Once again we've gotten further reinforcement that the only real class acts at Dunder Mifflin are Phyllis and the blues playing guard. That whole auction thing by Michael was a complete bust until my buddy Bob Vance stepped up for that thousand dollar hug from his own Million Dollar Baby! If I had been invited it would have cost him far, far more !!

Cress' Convo: Michael and Holly are having office sex? Fine. Michael and Holly are having Office Park sex? I am not cleaning up after that.

Vance's View: Q: Who is dumb enough to leave the SBP unlocked while fornicating in the stairwell? A: Michael Scott. Q: Who holds an auction, but does not actually possess the item up for auction? A: Michael Scott. Q: Who knows that there is no monetary value that can be placed on a Phyllis hug? A: Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration. Never doubt for a moment that if you try to get in a bidding war with BV-VR, that he will whip out the big-boy wad that lives in his pocket and beat you silly with it. Q: Who is the BOSS? A: BRUUU-UUUCE! And that would be because: "TRAMPS LIKE US, BABY, WE WERE BORN TO RUN..."

As always we have to thank the men BEHIND the men behind Scranton - Bobby Ray Shafer (Bob Vance), Paul Faust (Cool Guy Paul), Barry Sigismondi (W.B. Jones) and Terrence Beasor (Bill Cress) for their amazing willingness to share with us and all the Dunderheads out there!

The Families' Thoughts - Baby Shower

Once again the members of the other 4 families of the Scranton Business Park have convened to discuss the activities over at Dunder Mifflin. We are joined by Bob Vance of Vance Refrigeration, Paul "Cool Guy" Faust of Disaster Kits Limited, W.B. Jones of W.B. Jones Heating and Cooling and Bill Cress of Cress Tool and Dye.

So, without further ado, we present the thoughts of the men who run the Scranton Business Park, sent in directly from them.

W.B. Jones' Grade A Badass Review: What planet does Michael Scott come from? He holds a baby shower for the broad who jilted him and who was impregnated by a sperm donor. Then he lets her tell him who he can and can't be in a relationship with?? He's not a man, he's a mouse! Now, Dwight on the other hand ........ you've got to be a real man to do your own circumcision.

Cress' Convo: Dwight is an idiot! If he is going to get knocked up he should be having a Kiwi, much smaller than a Watermelon, less painful.

Vance's View: While there are many expressions that could be used to describe Michael's relationship with Jan; I shall refrain from the most accurate and devastating because of my belief in: "Judge not lest ye be judged." That said, however; it is a sick-twisted affair that even SIGMUND FREUD with a fresh Colombian 8-ball couldn't begin to unravel -- so I won't even begin. I will say that all of Bob's BABY-MAMA'S certainly knew better than to pull stunts like Jan -- and when the highlight of ANY event is an acappella: 'SON OF A PREACHER MAN' you know you're in for one grueling affair. But thank goodness for Phyllis! Does my little Lady know how to put together a party and save the day, or what? But quite naturally, my concerns rest with ASTRID; who looks to be in for quite a ride.

Cool Guy Paul's Cool Thoughts: I am very worried about making comments this week as I don't want to get Dwight in trouble. I recognized immediately his knowledge of the need to be prepared for all situations and to take nothing for granted. As such...I have offered him a job at Disaster Kits Limited if things don't work out at Dunder Mifflin.

As always we have to thank the men BEHIND the men behind Scranton - Bobby Ray Shafer (Bob Vance), Paul Faust (Cool Guy Paul), Barry Sigismondi (W.B. Jones) and Terrence Beasor (Bill Cress) for their amazing willingness to share with us and all the Dunderheads out there!

The Families' Thoughts - Weight Loss

In Season 4's episode entitled "Chair Model" we were introduced to the "Five Families" of the Scranton Business Park. Michael Scott is the representative from Dunder Mifflin and he is joined by Bob Vance of Vance Refrigeration, Paul "Cool Guy" Faust of Disaster Kits Limited, W.B. Jones of W.B. Jones Heating and Cooling and Bill Cress of Cress Tool and Dye.

As the new season is upon us, we are always looking for people to share their Two Cents about episodes of The Office, and who better to give an insight about the workers at Dunder Mifflin than the other heads of the Five Families?

So, without further ado, we present the thoughts of the men who run the Scranton Business Park.

Vance's View: The Dunder-Mifflin "team" is to be commended for their dietary efforts in 'WEIGHT LOSS'. However, Mr. Schrute's tactics with Mrs. Phyllis Vance are UNACCEPTABLE and have been duly-noted by BOB VANCE, VANCE REFRIGERATION, who has a very long memory and a low tolerance. Congratulations to Mr. Halpert and Ms. Beesley. Finally... and beautifully done.

Cool Guy Paul's Cool Thoughts: I'll give you my comments only because you were smart enough to ask for it over email....as oppossed to scheduling a waste of time meeting.
At Disaster Kits Limited we specialize in helping people be more prepared for the unexpected. Let's look quickly at where the employees of Dunder Mifflin succeeded and failed at this.
Dwight - had spray to ruin the food so the others couldn't eat - PREPARED
Jim - could have asked me to send one of the "business associates" from my past line of work to keep on eye of Pam in N.Y. - NOT PREPARED
Andy - put down 4 non-refundable deposits for differnt wedding locations. Great back-up planning. - PREPARED
Phyllis - had to walk 5 miles because she didn't have purse or phone. No back up plan - NOT PREPARED
Michael - had condoms in wallet - PREPARED
Utica Branch - had me alter the scale in the Dunder Mifflin warehouse so they wouldn't lose as much weight - PREPARED
I will leave you with one final thought. Michael incorrectly identified the #1 cause of death in this country. It is not obesity. It is emergencies and disasters.

Be Safe, Be Ready, Be Prepared

W.B. Jones' Grade A Badass Review: I can't see how Dunder Mifflin stays in business. Obviously their paper products sell themselves because the caffones they have working there can't sell anything! Dwight's the only guy worth his salt, he wants to win at any cost..... even forcing Phyllis to hike five miles.... my kinda guy!

Cress' Convo: The size of Holly's butt is not a proper subject for discussion. What size is it anyway?

We have to thank the men BEHIND the men behind Scranton - Bobby Ray Shafer (Bob Vance), Paul Faust (Cool Guy Paul), Barry Sigismondi (W.B. Jones) and Terrence Beasor (Bill Cress) for their amazing willingness to share with us and all the Dunderheads out there!